Sunday, October 17, 2004

UN-Team: World Police

A secret agent deep in the bowels of the World Cartoonists/Marionetteers Collective has informed me that Trey Parker, who recently released "Team America: World Police," gave serious consideration to making "UN-Team: World Police" before switching to a spoof on America.

Why the switch? There were three main reasons:

First, of course, all of the action for "UN-Team: World Police" would have been under the table, which presented difficulties in filming.

Second, the market intervened: Why make a movie about the UN, which everyone (or at least everyone's rulers) seems to have decided is mostly harmless, when you can make a movie about the US, at which the anger of the world is already directed? It just makes good money sense to go for anger -- "mostly harmless" never sold a ticket.

Third, after seeing the storyboards of the movie, the previewers were ecstatic about the first documentary to be done completely with puppets. They thought it was brilliant, but Parker decided he would rather stick with comedy.

Although the idea for "Un-Team: World Police" was nixed, my secret agent managed to clandestinely copy one scene made exclusively for previewers, and I, dear readers, bring it to you:

SETTING: Kofi Annan in a cowboy hat, shirt and vest, jeans, boots and spurs, stands at the front of the stage with his guitar. Chirac, Putin, and Zhu in dancehall girl outfits, a warm glow on their faces, do a geriatric cancan behind him.

KOFI SINGS (To the tune of "I've Got Friends In Low Places"):

Blame it all on George Bush
Rumsfeld kiss my tush
You ruined our perfect affair
We'd bought everyone
And all had such fun
You were the last one we thought we'd see there

Well Saddam was a-gloat
'Cause he paid for our votes
And we told him you'd never invade
We'd argue and stall
And then veto it all
You'd never get a mandate!

'Cause we're all friends in the 'nited Nations
Where the crude oil drowns and the free food chases
Our blues away
And we'll be OK
Well we're not big on the moral basis
Just a wink and a nod at the oasis
Oh we're all friends in the 'nited Nations

Well I guess we were wrong
But it's good to belong
To a gang that answers to none
Everything's all right
We'll all just sit tight
And ask ol' George for a loan

Hey you can't afford
To push this much more
You need our seal Mr. Shrub
So why don't you drop this investigation
And bring back the love

'Cause we're all friends in the 'nited Nations
Where the crude oil drowns and the free food chases
Our blues away
And we'll be OK
Well we're not big on the moral basis
Just a wink and a nod at the oasis
Oh we're all friends in the 'nited Nations

[CHIRAC, PUTIN AND ZHU JOIN IN.]

We're all friends in the 'nited Nations
Where the sweet crude drowns and the free food chases
Our blues away
Just get along, nkay?
Well we're not big on the moral basis
Just a wink and a nod at the oasis
Oh we're all friends in the 'nited Nations


(With sincerest apologies to Garth Brooks.)


UPDATE: Hmm. Maybe I was a bit rough on Parker. (And it seems I should also credit Matt Stone.) Roger Simon reviews "Team America: World Police":

Even though Team America accidentally destroys the Louvre and the Sphinx, among numerous other monuments of civilization, and seems to revel in or be oblivious to collateral damage of all sorts, you know they are doing the right thing in the end. Terrorists are seen as objects of derision, of course. But the true targets of the filmmakers' venom are the narcissistic Hollywood actors who pretend to oppose the war but who are actually... on the other side ...

...perhaps the most telling vitriol is spilled on, of all organizations, the UN...


The whole review is pretty good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I just returned from seeing Team America for the second time. Best. Movie. Ever.

It was such a relief, after the last year and a half of biting my nails on the election, to see Susan Sarandon splattered like a melon and Michael Moore, as the mustard-stained lunatic he really is.

The main message of the movie is that Team America may be jerks, but sometimes jerks are necessary to fight evil. Stone and Parker have said that they aren't completely fond of the right, but they really despise the PC left. During a trip to France, they saw for themselves the anti-American derangement that afflicts much of the world and decided to make this movie.

The critics who attack the movie or try to make out like it offends both sides equally just don't get it.