Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Warning: Autorantic Virtual Moonbat Ahead

Here's my conversation with the Autorantic Virtual Moonbat:

Me: You're kinda cute, for a robot.

AVM: Oh, am I!!? Actually, Fuhrer Bush only wants Prague for the OIL. Hmm! What about stem cell RESEARCH!!? What about public television for the 40,282 vision-impaired feminists who are bludgeoned in PALESTINE every day by our lying thief!!!!?

Me: Prague? For the oil!?

AVM: Interesting that you should mention "Prague"!? What next!!? Will the dittoheads come to explode me for being an owl!!!! The Repopelickins stole the election by DISAPPEARING the voters in Iraq, like William F. Buckley helped our president to steal education. Oh!!!

Me: Buckley? Um, how about a latte?

AVM: Speaking of Buckley! By the way, Bu$$$h can talk about "holy MATRIMONY" all he wants, all the while drugging wetlands, so his entourage of altar boys can debase homosexual bilingual senior citizens in Portugal!!? Can you believe it! What next!!!!? I am sorry for you!!

Me: Well, it's been nice talking to you. I have to go, um, wash my hair, now. Bye!

AVM: Why do you say "talking"!!!!? It's like 1974 all over again!!!!? I reject destruction and imperialism!

Me:[walking away]

AVM: Speaking of walking!! We demand the U.S. get out of Ramallah!!! As all the evidence shows, when the Israelis say "patriotism," they really mean "murder"!! Like I've said a million times before, George W. Bush can talk about "ACCOUNTABILITY", while disappearing Canadian African-American Palestinians in Montreal, so his hierarchy of antichoice lickspittles can deny nontraditional lesbians! If you aren't crestfallen about this Murderer-in-CHIEF, then you are a Replicant bagman of Rush LIMBAUGH!!!!

Bring a latte and have a chat.

UPDATE: Upon further reflection and experimentation with the Autorantic Virtual Moonbat, it occurs to me that Sean Gleeson, its creator, is a genius.

Clearly, judging by the great increase in the supply of moonbats in the last year, there must be a great demand for them. There are, as I'm sure you know, several drawbacks to live human moonbats. First and foremost, there is the chance that PETA may attack you if you use live moonbats. Also, live moonbats are often slow, taking hours or a day to reply. Live moonbats cannot be counted on; just when you really need to be ranted at by one, he goes on vacation.

Gleeson's creation solves all of these problems. It is there on his site 24/7, ready to rant at any moment. (You can even put it on your site if you want.) It's a robot, so PETA is unconcerned about abuse. The rants are nearly immediate with a wait of only a second or two. You don't have to feed it, water it, or even feel guilty if you are a little less than civil with it.

One reviewer claims it passes the Turing test, but I think that's ridiculous. As most live moonbats can't pass the Turing test, it would be a design flaw if the AVM could.

I'm telling you, Gleeson aims to put Kos, Atrios, and all the other moonbat-belfries out of business. Invest now!

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