9. We could attack other Muslim states with impunity.
8. As the most powerful Muslim state, we should control the Muslim holy sites. (How do you say, 'this isn't an invasion, it's a hajj with high volumes of celebratory gunfire' in Arabic?)
7. Our Muslim enemies would either become our friends, or (once again) vow to destroy us. Either way, nothing lost and possibly something gained.
6. Anti-Americanism would suddenly be Islamaphobic and untenable.
5. France would love us again.
4. We would have a wonderful chance to change Islam from the inside.
3. Our spiritual leaders could issue fatwas.
2. As the victims of aggressive cultural imperialism, we'd be entitled to all of the above.
And the number one reason America should convert to Islam: